Wednesday, December 12, 2012

IF: Now What?

I figured today was a great day to wrap up this series.  It is the Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe, who was my saint for this last year.  Also, it is my second blog anniversary.  Given that I started this blog in hopes of letting you know that you can find truth, beauty and goodness even without the patter of little feet in your home.

I wish I could tell you that one day, overnight, it just all magically gets easier.  It doesn’t and you know that. 

It can and will get more tolerable.    I hope I haven’t been too glib in saying that and in all of these posts.  I never meant to be.  The trip to acceptance is winding and long and full of setbacks.  It is definitely not a straight line process; it’s not moving only forward and never backwards. 

I don’t even remember what I had in mind when I started this series, I just know that I deviated somewhat from whatever it was.  I had hoped to help, to let you know you can deal with it all, and come out fairly unscathed.  But, I think I ended up somewhere I didn’t expect.

I learned something.  Or, at least I figured out that I learned a lot in the last decade and a half.

There are something things about IF that still hurt, just maybe not as much.

IF doesn’t define me.

The sound of  a baby crying still breaks my heart.

The smiles and giggles of a baby still melt my heart.

I am stronger than I give myself credit for.

I am weaker than I want to admit.

I am not alone. 

I have many prayers for you, dear ladies.

I pray that your desire to become mothers is realized, either by conceiving or adopting.

I pray that you find peace and healing – of mind, body and soul.

I pray that if you don’t become a mother, you will be okay with that.

And, I pray that you know you are not alone.



  1. You are not alone is a sentence that has been resignating in my heart and ears for a long time. At's completely stressful but I'm not alone..the other teachers in the building are feeling the way I do. With IF..I'm not alone. Is that suppose to make me feel better? Sometimes, I just want the problem to go away...whether I'm alone or not. Hmmmmm...

    However...I guess I would feel worse if I really was the only one with the fact that I'm not alone on the IF journey should make me feel better.

    It's all in the perspective. God will never leave us alone...HE is always with us. Amen?

  2. So many things I've started to write didn't end up the way I thought they would, though I can pretty much guarantee they've not helped anyone in the way your series as helped me.

    I've been praying for you as you've been writing, knowing that it had to be sending you back in time to places you'd left long ago. I hope that the somewhere you ended up that was unexpected is a good place and that you were able to heal in new ways.

    I think the greatest blessing of this blogging community is the assurance that, if nothing else, we are not alone.