Monday, November 12, 2012

IF: When to ‘quit’

Read part three here.

So, you’ve been actively been trying to conceive for how long?  Two years?  Five? Ten?  Just when is it time to throw in the towel?

You have been charting.  You’ve had the month long visits to Vampira, mistress of blood draws.  Perhaps a surgery or two is in your medical records as well as any number of prescriptions.  You figure POAS is a waste of both time and money. 

How do you draw a line in the sand and say enough is enough?

Well, ladies, the answer is difficult and it is not.

You quit when trying takes something more from you than it should – your sanity, your faith, true intimacy with your husband, your ability to see anything good in life other than conceiving.

It does not mean you are not open to life.  Hardly.  Things in the bedroom can go back to being fun and spontaneous, not calculated and planned. 

It does not mean you are selfish.  Nope.

It does not mean you must not have wanted it badly enough.  Never. 

It does not mean you are lazy.  Uh huh.

It does not mean you would have been a bad mother.  No way.  No child would have been wanted more.

It just means that living as two is okay; that you will be fine as you are.  Life can be not just tolerable, but true and good and beautiful. 



  1. Wow- what a powerful post. Praying for those that read this and need to make that difficult decision in their life.

  2. Perfect dh and I were just discussing this evening when we will be truly done. We thought we were...but then I had surgery and now my hormones are looking we are again. I know whatever happens...we'll be okay. Baby or no baby...we are a great couple...and life is beautiful and our lives are purposeful. Thank you for sharing.

  3. Very thoughtful post. Well done.

  4. Love this...Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Beautiful words from a beautiful heart.

  5. Love this...Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Beautiful words from a beautiful heart.

  6. First of all .... I love Vampira. I didn't ever name her. :-) Thank you SO MUCH for this! I've been mulling over keeping on TTC again or not, but you are right about the Trying When it takes Something more from you than it should. So right.

  7. Thank you, this is exactly what I needed to read today. Life can be true and good and beautiful.

  8. Wonderful post, thank you! My husband and I were just talking about this today, about treatments and novenas and all that comes w/ TTC making us feel like we aren't doing enough. Sometimes it is time to just step back and enjoy the life that God has given us!

  9. I wish I could just make the decision to stop trying for biological motherhood, but then another treatment option comes up and I have to try it. I honestly thought I was done this past summer, but here we are with another prescription to fill.

    Thank you for this post. I hope and pray that when the time is right I will know.

  10. This post is very timely for me as I am 11 months post-surgery and my tubes are only "guaranteed" to be open for 12 - 18 months.

    I'm feeling the burden of these next 6 months and I needed this reminder that stopping medical treatment doesn't mean we aren't open to life or didn't want it badly enough.

    I'm not sure we are there yet, but I just know that reading these words made all the difference for me and I'm grateful.

  11. I am SO GLAD you decided to do these IF posts!! Thank you on behalf of every woman currently experiencing infertility!!

    This is a goldmine.