Need a laugh?

A friend sent this to me the other day.  Some of them had me laughing so hard I was crying.  Enjoy!

Did  I read that sign correctly?  TOILET  OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR  BELOW           In a Laundromat: AUTOMATIC  WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES  OUT   In a London department store: BARGAIN  BASEMENT UPSTAIRS   In  an office: WOULD  THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK  OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN   In  an office: AFTER  TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE  DRAINING BOARD     Outside  a secondhand shop: WE  EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING  YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?   Notice in health food shop window: CLOSED  DUE TO ILLNESS   Spotted in a safari park:(I sure hope so) ELEPHANTS  PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR   Seen during a conference: FOR  ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON  THE 1ST FLOOR Notice in a farmer's field: THE  FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL  CHARGES   Message on a leaflet: IF  YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET  LESSONS   On  a repair shop door: WE  CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL  DOESN'T WORK)   **********************************************************    Proofreading  is a dying art,wouldn't you say?   Man  Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter  This  one I caught in the SGV ( San Gabriel Valley ) Tribune the other  day, called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this.  It took  two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was  reading was impossible!!! They  put in a correction the next day. I just couldn't help but send this  along. Too funny.     Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says  Really?  Ya think?    Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers  Now  that's taking things a bit far!    Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over  What  a guy!    Miners Refuse to Work after Death  No-good-for-nothing'  lazy so-and-so's!    Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant  See  if that works any better than a fair trial!    If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile  Ya  think?!    Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures  Who  would have thought!    Enfield  ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide  They  may be on to something!    Man  Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge  He  probably IS the battery charge!    New Study of Obesity Looks for LargerTest Group  Weren't  they fat enough?!    Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft That's  what he gets for eating those beans!   Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half  Chainsaw  Massacre all over again!    Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors  Boy,  are they tall!    And  the winner is....   Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead  Did  I read that right?